I Applied The KonMari Method To Guys In My Phone Betches

Tidying UpIn addition to rolling our clothes, Marie Kondo, the mastermind behind the tidying method, also wants us to throw out all of our sh*t unless it “sparks joy in us.” To which I’d just like to say, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, MARIE. Look, just because I own all seven seasons of on DVD when I do not own a device with a DVD player anymore doesn’t mean those DVDs don’t spark immense joy in me anymore!! Emily gets itFor the sake of time (I assume if you’re reading this you probably don’t have the next 1,000 hours free to analyze my love life, no?), I’m only going to touch on a few of the men who inhabit my phone. I’m going …

The Funniest Jordyn and Tristan Memes Betches

Last night, we were all shocked beyond belief at the news of Jordyn Woods allegedly hooking up with Tristan Thompson. Could the betrayal be any more extreme? Has girl code ever been violated in a worse way? Probably not. Reportedly, Tristan was in LA to spend Valentine’s Day with Khloé, but then he spent Sunday night making out with Jordyn at a house party. Really, the part about Tristan cheating isn’t shocking, considering he couldn’t even keep it in his pants days before Khloé had his baby. Now, rumor has it that Khloé broke up with Tristan, and we can only assume that Jordyn isn’t really welcome to live at Kylie’s house anymore. I get annoyed when my friends stay …

This Guy Who Scammed His Friends & Family Out Of $750K Is The New Billy McFarland Betches

It’s almost Super Bowl Sunday, and we all know what that means. For most of America, it’s time to throw on your favorite jersey, scream at your TV, and eat your body weight in wings for a few hours. For Georgia businessman Ketan Shah, however, it’s time to pull off a months-long Super Bowl scam, hustling friends and family out of $750K for Super Bowl tickets, and then skipping town. (Hmm, what’s that? A well-to-do businessman taking money from people who trust him for an experience he can’t deliver? Where on earth have we heard that before?) According to WSBTV2 in Atlanta, Shah owns a digital printing shop and “sits on numerous community boards” in Gwinnett County. He had a “squeaky-clean” …

Here’s Why Kylie Calling Travis Her Husband Doesn’t Mean Anything Betches

These days, it seems more and more common for celebrities to secretly get married. With the obvious exception of Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra’s Indian extravaganza (with a heavy emphasis on extra), lots of big couples have been keeping things low-key. Cardi and Offset did it, Hailey and Justin did it, and now the latest married couple might be… Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott? Or maybe not. Kylie has a history of calling Travis her husband, so she’s not always the most reliable source of information. Every time Kylie calls Travis some variation of “hubby”, the internet collectively freaks out. This is one such time. On Tuesday, Kylie posted this picture of herself on Instagram. It’s a pretty typical thirst …

61st Annual Grammys Recap: What You Missed Betches

Overall, this recap was a struggle—and I don’t just mean because my hangover is currently setting in at 1:15am. It’s because if you’ve read any one of my articles or recaps, you know that I’m very good at criticism. Shitting on things is like my second language (see: Kylie Jenner, Vanderpump Rules, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, guys who try to hit on me and end up on my IG stories, etc.). What’s not so easy? Recounting a television event that, for the most part, was very good. The 61st annual Grammys were honestly enjoyable—for the first two hours, anyway. After that it felt like what I imagine purgatory feels like, though I may have preferred burning alive. In all …

‘You’s Joe Is Toxic And CrazyBut He’s Also What I’d Want In A Man Betches

You,Youspend 10 hours in a dark room with my Netflix accountIf you’re not familiar with the premise, here’s the deal: Joe (aka Penn Badgley aka Dan Humphrey) is a hipster bookstore owner by day, unhinged (but somehow loveable??) stalker by night. He’s set his sights on the human incarnation of the reason people think white girls are insufferable: Guinevere Beck aka “Beck.” Beck is a struggling MFA student just trying to make it big as a poet (lol) and also still party with her rich girlfriends and be able to afford her massive, one bedroom apartment in “the village” (LOL). I’m halfway through the show and I can’t decide what I find more problematic: that Beck thinks she will make …

What He Wants For Valentine’s Day This Year Betches

Oh god. Oh no. It’s here. Cthulhu Valentine’s Day has arisen from its syrup-coated Hallmark basement lair to once again assault our eyeballs with pink and red flowers, crappy candy, balloons, and mass-produced stuffed animals painstakingly stitched together by child slaves. This day of sappy Instagram captions, overcrowded restaurants, lackluster sex, and general disappointment is almost upon us. If you, like many halves of whole couples, are, for some reason, looking forward to the idea of this made-up holiday, congratulations and good luck. Shopping for men during Valentine’s Day is about as easy as pretending to be excited about anything after age 30. I’m not bitter, you’re bitter. “How am I supposed to figure out what he wants for Valentine’s Day??!” – Things I …

The Game Of Thrones Season 8 Teaser Is Here Betches

HBO dropped the Game of Thrones season 8 teaser trailer this past Sunday, officially kicking off three things: 1. The countdown to the premiere of the final season *muffled sobs* on April 14th 2. The inception of hundreds of thousands of fan theories about what every single second of this 1:44 video means. 3. My very own stress dreams about this show ending. Reddit has not slept since Sunday night. The footage of Jon, Sansa, and Arya slowly walking through the Winterfell crypts as dialogue from seasons past plays eerily overhead has taken the GOT world by storm. Sansa Sophie Turner. Alas, there were no clues to the show but like, wow. Good for Sansa. So what can this trailer …

Raquel Leviss Is Shading Her VPR Costars Betches

Dear, sweet Raquel Leviss. When James Kennedy’s pageant girlfriend officially joined the Vanderpump Rules cast this year, no one was sure what to expect. We knew her as soft-spoken, college-aged, and possibly delusional about James’ alleged cheating. This season, as the rest of the cast turns against James, Raquel has decided to show her personality. This is happening both on-camera and off, as Raquel has decided to talk sh*t online about James’ former friends. This is the kind of drama I live for. Exhibit A: Today, Raquel posted this tweet sharing an article discussing the feud between Lala and Billie Lee. Her caption? “Lala Kent Joins The Mean Girls Club And Never Looks Back.” Lala Kent Joins the Mean Girls …

Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 6 Recap Betches

As a reminder, last week James’s mom begged Lisa for his job back, Lala and Brittany got their butts all pretty, and Stassi and Ariana had a joint cold themed birthday party which ended in a Stassi meltdown. Will she be forced to use her shattered iPhone for a year and a half like the rest of us peasants? Let’s find out! The girls are recounting what happened last night. Apparently after Stassi smashed her phone, she came out screaming at Beau, and he proceeded to cry and say he wasn’t her punching bag. Ruh roh. Beau: You dick-punched my heart Me: Beau is very forgiving and sweet and I’m wondering if Stassi can please lead me to the factory …

Andy King Has Seen The Fyre Fest Memes & This Is What He Thinks Betches

If you don’t know who Andy King is, then congratulations on your rich and full social life. For those of us who stayed at home binging the Fyre Festival documentaries like normal people, Andy King is a hero, a visionary, the loyal friend 2019 deserves. He is, in other words, the guy who was willing to suck d*ck for water bottles, when asked to do so by longtime friend and Fyre Festival organizer Billy McFarland. (I feel like people gloss over the fact that Billy asked him too way too much, by the way—let’s all remember that King didn’t come up with this sh*t.) Anyway, King obviously became an internet sensation, with many memes invoking his willingness to do literally …